The Universe was not holding back. Leaving her shaking and distraught, could it really mean...?
Soon after the Turkish coffee reading it was time for the first Tarot reading of her life. She had always wondered what the cards would say, would they resonate? Or would she be left with more questions than guidance? The medicine woman guide who sat before her motioned for her to pick a crystal from a container to guide the reading. The stone was a dusty green hue, and had a worn shape of a lions head on it. “This stone…” murmured the guide “I came across this stone in Egypt and have named it Sekhmet.” The lion-headed goddess of Egypt, appropriate, she thought, admiring the lion tattooed on her shoulder, in symbolism of her husband.
The reading began. The guides interpretation of the cards was intriguing and resonated extremely strongly with her. They mentioned she was closed off, not accepting of things like love, compliments, etc but gave all of her to others. The guide noted there was a strong male presence in her life, one that controlled her decisions. Now, her to be clear, her husband was not controlling in the typical sense, but every decision she made she weighed on how it would effect him. What would he think, feel, say, etc. She allowed her decisions to be based on what he would think over her desires. Admirable, but the cards were telling her she needed to fill her own cup with happiness before she could fill others. She needed to make her own choices on what would make her happy, and stop making choices based on how she felt others would think. Choice, the guide stated she would have to make a choice. This scared her, immensely. How did they know her deepest fear? Being forced to make a choice in her relationship, between her partner and her husband. The fear and panic set in.
The guide pulled another card, but this time a second card flew out of the deck as well. “Seems as though the universe has more to say” the guide smiled. The Lovers, and the Four of Wands. The guide motioned and said “this is your future. Lovers, and a happy, strong family. You only get here by making a choice.” She was emotional now. She feared the worst. The universe was telling her to make a choice between her two loves, or was it?
It wasn’t until a few days after the reading the message became clear. The universe was not telling her to make a choice between partners, it was telling her to make a choice about herself. She had to choose to let go of worrying about what everyone else wanted or thought of her and do what felt right and made her happy. For she could only arrive at the end, with lovers and a strong family, by being happy herself first. The universe did not choose one card, the lovers OR a family, but both.
The readings left her feeling in awe. She wanted to know more about the spiritual side of things. She had always been interested in Paganism and the like, but she had always been scared of what others would think. Her family and friends mostly, what would they think? It was time. She had to make a choice, and she did. Over the coming timeline she would read, research, and learn as much as she could about Paganism and overall spirituality, naysayers be damned. The deep dive began. The first step on a new path. One that would take her farther than she ever imagined.